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Hey! Quit Beating Yourself Up

April 16th, 2013 by Selise


The beer isn’t mine, but the soda is. And yeah, I probably beat myself up about drinking it.

So hey, okay, obviously I don’t post on here as often as I used to. And indeed, as often as I’d like. But I think I’m just gonna have to get over that. Like, stop beating myself up about it. Because look, if I really wanted to post more, then I’d find a way to post more, right?

I dunno, maybe?

See things have changed and these days I spend more time in gym clothes than in “regular” clothes. And pictures of the (seemingly but totally not, I promise) same black leggings and black singlet day after day is gonna get old.

And you know what else is getting old? This beating myself up thing. Because I’m doing it about the gym too (and also literally. What up, MMA!).

Listen I’ve been working out at a high intensity, consistently for like, the last 18 months or so. And I love it. Totally. I’ve just added a bunch of other classes and disciplines to my schedule and I am super pumped.

And yeah, I’ve noticed a difference. Other people have noticed a difference too. I’m stronger, have more muscle definition and I’ve leaned down a bit.

But you know what? Whenever I talk to someone about working out? I feel ashamed that I don’t have more of a “perfect” body to show for it.

Swear to god I was at a wedding recently, two of our good friends were getting married and I was talking to another friend who’s a personal trainer, and when I told him my weekly routine I immediately turned my body to try to shrink away as I made excuses about why I didn’t look like a fitness model.

What. The fuck!

I work my ass off across a bunch of different disciplines for multiple hours every week. I fall into bed exhausted. I sweat. I curse. I’m proud of what my body can do and yet, I betray it. All that hard work for me to turn around and be ashamed of the amazing result I already have… because it’s not enough.

Not enough for who? For what?

We’re constantly told we’re supposed to be thinner. Smaller. Why? WHY? No really, why? What purpose does being smaller serve? And are we ever small enough? It’s a constant, constant pursuit. A constant pursuit with a multi-billion dollar industry attached to it.

Have you ever thought what might happen if we stopped focusing on this elusive “perfection”?

If we weren’t distracted and kept busy constantly worrying about our weight and appearance, imagine what magnificently huge things we could accomplish! It’s almost as though the people behind the wheels are scared of what we could do if we focused our energy on other things instead of the size of our thighs.

Listen, I know I’ve talked about size before. It’s like there are these momentary flashes of clarity where I realise how utterly stupid it is to try and fit my wonderful body into some arbitrary size dictated by the lunatic Ouroboros that is society.

And so, in this momentary flash I’m going to write it down again. Let’s stop obsessing over this stupid SIZE thing.


Why, in the time it’s taken me to remind myself that it don’t mean shit, I probably could have come up with a solution to the amount of Brown Snakes inundating Guam.

Scarf: Jay Jays
Jacket: Was Mum’sBadges: All over the place
Dress: ModCloth
Bag: Gift

6 Responses

  1. Lynika says:

    Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

    If I could type out the tune to a grand explosion and marching band mixed with the sound of fireworks and celebration noises equivalent to a Mardis Gras then I would type it in BOLD ITALICS!

    This post subject can’t be tackled enough and I am darn grateful you’ve taken time to write and share it with us.

    This rocks, you rock and so does a healthy happy body not a punished and blamed body.

    Some saying’s I’ve really loved lately which remind me of this very thing…

    “A cultural fixation on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty but an obsession about female obedience.”
    ― Naomi Wolf

    “Healthy emotions come in all sizes. Healthy minds come in all sizes. And healthy bodies come in all sizes.”
    ― Cheri K. Erdman

    and two below by Steve Maraboli, he has been a champion read lately!

    “By choosing healthy over skinny you are choosing self-love over self-judgment. You are beautiful!”
    ― Steve Maraboli

    “There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
    ― Steve Maraboli

    and Christina Ricci say’s it so well here too..

    “I’m not going to let my insecurities keep me from having a good time. I think that if you don’t loose your self-consciousness, you can’t really be present in a situation. For example, if you’re at The Louvre, but you’re thinking about how much you hate your jeans, you’re not really at The Louvre. So in your memory, when you look back, you’re always going to be like, “I was wearing those jeans I hated”. And you’re not going to remember anything else.”
    ― Christina Ricci

    I LOVE what you’ve raised in this post and my heart breaks to see beautiful women like you and others and we are ALL beautiful women and girls, hide and shrink themselves away because they don’t look like the ‘expected’ cut-out image that has been pushed into our consciousness like a virus infected USB!

    The virus spreads and we are emotionally unwell to our stomachs and our self esteem is blocked in a way no amount of Vicks Vapor rub would shift.

    You know it’s the constant and consistent posts like this one that stand any chance at all of reaching out to others and hoisting them up from the pits of despair and self-image battery.

    These posts are worth more than anyone can know.

    When a fellow woman or girl rattles the chains and say’s ‘This WON’T do!’ when she stands up and says ‘I’m afraid too but these beliefs are lies and we mustn’t dress ourselves in these lies anymore’ then and only then do we stand any chance of making a difference.

    We must be loud and to hell if people judge you and say that being loud isn’t feminine either!

    Speak up for yourself, for one another and the world will thrive in ways we can only imagine.

    Like Muriel Rukeyser said:

    “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open”

    Thank you for helping split the world open with your post and for letting light in on this subject that keeps so many of us sad, ashamed and in the dark.


  2. Cara says:

    Why have I not read your blog before? I am the worst!

    I totally hear ya on this. I am constantly beating myself up about everything. Blogging, not eating right, not exercising enough, not losing more weight when I DO eat right/exercise heaps etc. I feel like I’m constantly yelling at myself. I really do need to blog more but time wise I just haven’t been able and I don’t want to just post for the sake of it and turn people off because it’s shit. As for the fitness/weight thing… I think that’s a battle I will never win 🙁

  3. x Hat x says:

    Your words give an idea of true reflection, and give motivation to others to take a look on how they would do things differently – or NOT do things differently. Love your words and your strength to write from your heart. xxx

  4. Magatha May says:

    Well said my dear. I am with you on this 100%. I too put in hours at the gym each week in an effort to become stronger… that is what my goal is… strength. Not to be skinny, or small, or lean, or toned. I am there to build muscle. My increased strength will mean more to me than any size 8 jeans.

    I’m so glad you’re enjoying your time in the gym. Too many people see it as a chore that must be gotten through and don’t realise that being there, in the gym, sweating it all out, is what it’s all about. The achievements, hitting new targets, getting in just one more rep is what should make you smile.

    Very well said.

  5. Renaebot says:

    Well said dearie, very well said. Excersizing/ staying thin seems to be the number one conversation I hear in the office and frankly I am SICK of it. It was getting to the point where women were leaving those fitness magazine with the bronzed goddesses and their extreme muscles on the front cover stacked high right in the center of the kitchen table. I started turning my eyes away while I scarfed my toasted with cheese sammich. Too much I say!! It’s a conversation only discussed to this extreme by women, and mostly for the wrong reasons. I never hear people saying how proud they are of their 20 push ups or getting to that 30 crunches mark. More along the lines of what size they’d like to be. ugh.
    And p.s. I don’t care what you’re wearing – I enjoy anything you post! 🙂

  6. […] And the overwhelming feedback I’ve gotten from y’all is to in fact, yes, quit beating up on myself for not posting so […]

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