I’ve been finding it really hard to sit still at work these last few days. I’m fidgeting, I’m up and down, I’m thinking of being somewhere else. I spent a few moments thinking of where that somewhere else might be and this is what I came up with: I’d like to be sitting somewhere near the water, in the sun, with friends. Maybe eating breakfast at a café by the beach. Mostly I want the feeling of not having to do anything or be anywhere. I want all of my good friends to be in the same place at the same time and I want to stop and enjoy the moment.
It seems so hard to stop and enjoy the moment when every day 480 of them day are spent sitting in front of a computer screen. Is it natural to sit in the same place for that long? How long until I actually become one with this chair? And then when I do have a moment to stop all I seem to think about it what I should be doing.
How did I become this woman? I used to spend endless hours lying on my bed listening to music and staring at the ceiling when I was younger. The thought of that now almost makes me break into a sweat. There are things to do, do, do.
All of this restlessness has made me think about this shopping ban and my reaction to it. I feel like when it’s all said and done, what I’ll take from it is mindfulness. I want to be conscious of my purchases. Growing up I was grateful for every thing that I had. I had a green angora cardigan that I loved with all my heart and wore almost every day. Now I can’t keep track of how many cardigans I have, let alone all the colours. There are always things to buy, buy, buy.
It’s been 2 weeks today since I started the ban and I’m surviving. I’m not naked. I’m not bored of my clothes. I’m not horribly out of fashion. I’m reading more. I’m writing letters. I’m feeling less overwhelmed. I’m enjoying the challenge and what I’m learning about myself along the way.
Hair clip: Dangerfield